How do you get better?

I find myself asking this question a lot. It’s so vague. There’s not much to go off of, but still. It runs rampant in my mind. Better, at what? For what? In what? How do you define better???

Since this is predominantly a fitness blog (and website), with a lot of sprinkling of mom life, I’m going to start there. I have had a seriously profound journey of ‘better’ in the last 12 years. (I’m not here to hash out all of the details, but I will say that I’m an open book. If you’re curious about my journey, or do want me to delve deeper into sharing that information, you can message me directly OR comment on this blogpost. I’ll do my best to get back to you in a timely manner.) That search has had a lot to do with healing the lining of my GI tract, and also a lot more to do with becoming a coach, competitive athlete, and then a mom. More often than I’d like, those two journeys have collided at the detriment of each other. If I found myself soaring at the gym, getting the massive gains, the promotions or the next big client, more than likely I was also probably pooping my pants on the way home from work. (Yes, you read that right). So how in the hell did I manage that? It was not, and still isn’t, easy.

There were a lot of medical appointments, a few bizarre suggestions from health professionals, a great reference from (of course), my mom, which led me to meeting Rich Rife, which then led me to meeting Karina Vogt, Dave Reed and even Lee Zuniss. I’ve got a whole team of people who have worked even harder than me to piece me back together. The common denominator between those four individuals is that they believe the body can heal itself, if you let it. That’s where I struggle the most. My patience radar is pretty much zero. Once I set my eyes on something, it is pretty difficult to get me to stop. Who would have thought it would take time to heal a GI tract? I might have known it, but I didn’t want to know it. I had so many other “more important” things to do besides healing. What a snooze fest. Here’s a pretty famous and fundamental MAT philosophy:

“The body doesn’t know what kind of stress you’re experiencing. It only knows that you’re stressed. So it’s going to place that stress wherever feels right in the moment.”

And that could not be more true than my body and mind. I’ve written on this blog before about how stressful 2018 was. I did three water cuts for very major competitions, I got engaged and married, I took my final exams for MAT, I moved into a new apartment… all of these things sound inherently good, right? But also, still stressful. Once October hit and all of my ‘to-do’ list was complete, my ulcerative colitis raised it’s ugly head and roared so loud, I’m telling you. From October 2018 until April 2019, my life was miserable. Then Henry and I got in a terrible car accident. It didn’t matter that I had just taken time off to heal my GI system, God was telling me I needed more time still. And then, in November of 2019, we had our first positive pregnancy test. Lucy Lou was on the way!!! Since then, I’ve managed to lose two pregnancies, give birth to Maxine, give birth to Imogen, still squat heavy, always do my beloved deadlifts and even complete 2 triathlons (which I seriously love), and also too, my first half marathon. But guess what? Those are all (mostly) good, but still inherently stressful things. And here I am at the beginning of 2025, having to swallow my pride and learn to be patient, listen to my body, rest. Because yes. I am having my first flair up since April 2019. Spoiler alert: it’s even worse when you have 3 little ladies to take care of while dealing with this.

So how am I healing things this time around? Well, firstly I’m going to share a few hard truths with you. What I’m genuinely struggling with, and then we’ll talk about how I’m moving forward from those things:

I’m at a point now where I’m so sick of hearing myself think. I’m so frustrated and fed up with my boring day to day routine, feeling like nothing is ever accomplished. I’m here, raising three daughters, trying to find motivation on a minute by minute basis to live, and the desire to scream is more consuming than I’d care to admit.

I have been using my garmin watch, which is truly one of the best gifts I’ve ever received, to track my HRV levels. I learned from my 2018-2019 saga that that number is incredibly important to knowing whether or not I’m allowed to exercise the following day (thanks, Rich). I’ve also been meeting with Lee 2x a month consistently, while microdosing psylocybin (feel free to reach out if you wanna chat, or be quiet if you’re feeling judgy), to try and find some inner peace and better communication with my inner leader. Finally, I’ve majorly revamped my diet, again, to try and keep out all the majorly disruptive things. I’ve removed all sugar from my diet, all decaf coffee, the only processed item I eat throughout the day is a go macro bar… it ain’t fun, but it’s going to get the job done.

So how do you get better? Ask a different question. A more specific question. Find people who are in line with your belief systems and ask them to support you through your journey. Hit me up so I can help, too.

Let’s ride.